Who was that?!?!?
No! It couldn’t possibly be! BUT, yes it was … … … … … … me.
Where did that anger come from? Why did I get so angry? What possessed me?
Since the hour and half those hateful words exited my mouth, I have been replaying the entire scene. You know what? I can’t remember but a few words – and not the words that cut so deeply.
The person on the receiving end certainly didn’t deserve the hatefulness.
After the sting, my mind reeled with the scene that just played out. I had to dig deep to muster up the courage to apologize. It was so difficult knowing full well the person was hurt and remembered every single word.
How could I be so mean?
I was to taught to treat others like I want to be treated – it’s The Golden Rule. It is so not me to be downright hateful. (My family is probably laughing at that one!)
I recently read an article — Invisible Symptoms of MS: Mood Swings. I actually scoffed at the idea that mood is affected by MS. After this incident (and another a few weeks later), I realize it is spot on.
I agree with the author that “Living with multiple sclerosis can cause a tremendous amount of pent up frustration, stress, anxiety, pain, and depression.”
Yep … got all those.
And, I’ve noticed I’m more irritable and get agitated more easily at things that really don’t matter.
Just thinking about it makes me frustrated! Aye yi yi!
Deep breath! Deep breath!
Moving on …
I’m certain anyone experiencing any illness deals with a roller-coaster of emotion. The caregivers too!
While I’ve “accepted” this … this … this MS, I’M STILL ANGRY! ANGRY I HAVE THIS HORRIBLE DEBILITATING DISEASE!!!!! ANGRY THIS DISEASE HAS AFFECTED EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE!!!!
Suffice it to say, I’m pissed!
BUT … It doesn’t excuse me from mistreating those around me.
The Mayo Clinic article — Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper – offers some great tips to help keep anger in control.
Tip #1: Think before you speak
In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to say something you’ll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.[i]
This is HUGE!
Once the words escape my mouth they cannot be taken back. I don’t want to hurt those around me.
My heart still hurts for the pain I caused.
I promise to THINK BEFORE I SPEAK!
2 thoughts on “Who Was That?!?!?”
Been there. Wish I could say otherwise. I have intentionally said hurtful things in anger, out of smallness, and without concern for the pain I was causing. Thankfully, it doesn’t happen often. I know people of remarkable grace. I admire them and try to learn from them, but am very aware that I am not one of them. I guess most of us have stuff we’re working on. I think if you can be self-aware enough to recognize the problem, own and apologize for the harm, and authentically do the hard work of trying to be better, you should try to be patient with yourself, and forgive your imperfections. My two cents, V.
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Thanks, B 🙂